Why I Broke Up With Him On Valentines Day

Why I Broke Up With Him On Valentines Day

“What. A. Bitch.”

That is probably what you said when you read the headline.  It’s been about a month since V-Day and I’ve waited to put this out to the world.  Don’t think for one second that I’m not heartbroken.

I urge you to read this entire story before judging me for what I did, because it wasn’t something I wanted to do, but something I had to do (and you’ll see why). I still love this man, but I changed and since it takes two to tango, he was dancing by himself.

Let’s set the record straight: Every person, man or woman, who’s single HATES Valentine’s Day…I mean despises it and wants to avoid it like the plague.  On the other hand though, people who are in relationships LOVE it. It means they can show their significant other affection basically anywhere.  Don’t need to hide it, because well, everyone’s doing it. 

And that day, I did the same thing. I showed him the most affection that I could put together because he is GREAT and deserves more than anything I could ever do for him.

I let him go.

I haven’t really given any details because I’m a little embarrassed (actually I’m very embarrassed), so let’s start with the easy stuff because he deserves better.

He was something out of a fairy tale.

Ladies, you’re going to think I’m crazy, but have you ever been with a guy who seemed too good to be true?  I have, and let me tell you something, it isn’t what it’s all made out to be.  My guy was (and still is) the kind of person that would stop what he was doing (even if he was going to be late) to help an elderly person walk across the street.

“Awww, that’s sweet.”

It would be if I had only seen him do it a few times, but my guy would do it in the freezing cold weather and have me wait for him.  I know, I am selfish, because now that I have to move on I am going to miss his warm embrace.

He was okay with ALL of my flaws.

Before you say “Bitch, you’re crazy” let me explain this to you:  There would be times when I wouldn’t wash my hair (with shampoo and conditioner) because it would be easier to style.  He never said anything to me.  I didn’t feel like cleaning the apartment, so he would do it.  He rarely ever got upset by anything I did, and it drove me crazy.  Here is this heartthrob guy: 6’2”, dark hair, green eyes, and a great smile and he doesn’t even get upset.  One time I PURPOSELY left a mess in the kitchen and he turned it into something fun.

“Sooooo….wanna help me clean this up?”

We cleaned it up, he asked me to get dressed and we went for a walk to relax…as if I wasn’t doing that already. He wouldn’t put up with drama, so he didn’t create it either.

I’ve only been with him.

It’s not really a bad thing. He was my first when I was 19 and he stuck it out with me for years now.  We’ve had a great time, I’ve shared intimate moments with him (that I’m not going to share here), and he’s given me experiences that I definitely am grateful for.  At 24 years old though, I do wonder if I could have had other partners to see what I liked or didn’t like.  A one night stand? Maybe. A little more extreme, but maybe a lesbian encounter too.  We’ve done all kinds of things together in the bedroom, but I wanted to do more and I was too afraid to ask him and now that I look back on it, I should have.

Ok, deep breath.  This is the hard part.  Remember earlier when I said it takes two to tango, and he was dancing by himself? That’s because I led him to do that, and I went on to dance a different dance…that I regret.

Here’s how the story goes.

In January, I went on a trip with my girlfriends down South and was having a great time with them.  We were drinking, I was letting loose, and with my friends all being in relationships, I never thought I would see this happen in a million years.  One of my girls just threw herself at this guy.  He was cute, but not anywhere near better looking than what she had back home.

I couldn’t believe my eyes.  Is she actually face-fucking this guy with her tongue right now? She’s been with her boyfriend for longer than I have, and she didn’t even think twice about it.  I made the move (probably the wrong one) and took another Lemon Drop to unsee what I just saw.  One of my girlfriends asked me what was wrong and I explained it to her.  She shrugged it off and was like “We’re on vacation, just have fun, let loose. No one is going to know about this anyway.”

W.T.F.

Okay, to their defence, they’ve had a lot more experience than me.  On again, off again types of relationships and during their off time, let’s just say their vajayjay saw the sun (or the moon) a couple times.  I was getting really drunk and I saw this one guy that caught my attention a few times.  Except now he was getting closer to me, and I liked it.  Long story short, he bought me a drink, we laughed, we danced, and then we left.

This is why I’m heartbroken.

I cheated on the best guy in the world.

I cheated on the best guy in the world.

I cheated on the best guy in the world.

It’s not a typo, I wrote it three times because I can’t believe what I did.

As soon as I finished with this guy (I don’t remember his name), I sobered up.  My heart sank deep into my stomach and I knew that I made the worst decision of my life and it didn’t even last that long (sorry, new guy).  The rest of the trip I stayed sober and I’m not going to lie, I was a Debbie Downer. I came back home and saw my man, the best man ever, who picked me up from the airport.  He smiled at me and held me close like he always did.  It didn’t matter if I was gone for a day or for a week, he always hugged me the same way.  That night he took me out for dinner and was so excited to hear about my trip and see pictures of how it went.  Not once did he ask about other guys, that’s how confident he was that I would never do that to him.

It’s Valentine’s Day.  The day has passed and he hasn’t come to see me yet. He did send flowers to our apartment though; He would always wake up earlier than me and let me sleep in and then surprise me later on.  We had plans for dinner that night, and I couldn’t let him take me. It just didn’t feel right; I let our relationship down.

“I need to talk to you.”

My stomach curled up and I felt like I was going to puke everywhere. I blurted it out and told him. His face didn’t even drop, he just looked me in the eyes and said,

“It’s okay. I understand.”

That’s why it hurts…so…much. I told him I couldn’t live with myself and see him every day anymore. I went in for a kiss and he surprisingly hugged and kissed me back.  But, it was over.  I changed into something I wasn’t, and he deserved better than me.

He helped me pack some of my clothes (really slowly) and kept explaining to me why he wasn’t upset. I couldn’t even look at him.  He drove me to my parent’s house and told me he would pick me up the next day to get my car.  I was in no condition to drive, my eyes didn’t have windshield wipers. 

He dropped me off and as I was getting out of the car, he stopped me and told me that he loved me. I didn’t say it back (I really wanted to), but if I did, I would’ve broke down. Getting out of the car and walking towards my parent’s house was one of the worst pains I’ve ever felt. Being the gentleman that he is, he waited for me to walk into the house.  What the fuck did I do?

We all make mistakes, I just happened to make a really bad one.


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