Dream Car or Trophy Wife: Are They Really Worth Your Life?
Never start a relationship off with a lie.
OK, i'll rip the band-aid off right now, I'm not a writer. In fact, I’m barely a reader. University has forever ruined both for me. If you're like me, you might have a short attention span. You've probably already forgot the title of this 'scholarly' piece. Let's get right into it so I can share a quick story of my experience purchasing my dream car (wife aquisition still pending).
My first love.
My love for cars started when my father opened a mechanic shop the day I was born, seriously, the day of. His partner, my godfather (cue 1970s movie music), asked him if he could drop my mom off at the hospital before she went into labour and come back solo for the opening! Pure blue collar car guy logic.
Since day one, I’ve surrounded myself within the industry. From owning 25+ cars over the last 7 years (I flip them often), backyard modifying, hanging out at my buddy’s shop, or binge watching Top Gear (the good years). If you don't know what Top Gear is STOP READING, take a week off work to watch seasons 1 - 22, then continue.
She's a keeper.....I think?
After 10 odd cars here and there it was time to buy the car I've always wanted. I had to stop making excuses. It was time to satisfy my car boner.
I graduated university in 2011 and landed a decent job. I was able to secure a line of credit and procured the services of my friend who owns a shop/dealership to help me search for this dream car.
After months of test drives, hours of searching, and a pointless three-hour drive to Windsor, I found her! Scrolling through Kijiji, I stumbled upon a post. It was a simple ad, no picture, not even a decent description, the title simply read:
“2004 BMW M3, 6 speed, 54,000km, asking $22,000”
The mileage was good and the price was a no-brainer. I couldn’t wait, I immediately called. The seller was reluctant to meet me so soon as he'd only posted it an hour earlier. As any BMW M3 fan knows, when it goes for sale, especially at a bargain price, don’t wait. Fucking run!
I didn't have a chance to call my mechanic buddy to come with me. I raced to downtown Toronto and met with the seller within the hour of ending the call. I took it for a quick ride and my mind needed no more convincing. I made a pathetic attempt to offer $19,000 and promptly purchased it for $22,000.
I couldn't sleep that night. This was the car I dreamed of and I snatched it for an unbelievable deal. She was finally mine.
She rides better than she looks.
I won't bore you with the mushy stuff. Like how I woke up early to drive it. Or how I may or may NOT have shed a tear on the drive home. Let's skip over that part. Cool.
The E46 BMW M3 is a pure driver’s car. No turbo charger, no noticeable electronic computer shit, front engine, rear drive, manual transmission. It's the definition of perfection. It makes you feel like you’re in control, like you're the best driver on the planet.
You can look up the stats yourself but as any real car enthusiast knows, it doesn't matter what the 0-60 time is. It's the sensation of the driving experience itself. Let me be brutally honest though, accelerating 0-60 in 4.2 seconds in the BMW M3 is an unbelievable feeling (sorry, had to say it).
It’s like a one-night stand where the other party drunkenly lowers their standards to your level. You hold on for dear life praying they don't realize you don't deserve to be there. It's with someone who's way out of your league.
It makes bad drivers look good and fulfills any driving sensation you could ever imagine. It hugs corners like hugging your pillow at the end of Game of Thrones. It brakes like a punch in the face from your girlfriend’s brother. The sound, the looks, the feel. Everything is perfect. It's truly an amazing machine (that satisfies any boner).
Like any one night relationship, it'll ultimately come to an end. There's a realization, a moment when you're lying in bed gathering your thoughts thinking, "this may have been a bad idea".
What if this person isn't who you thought they were? What if it's a case of "too good to be true?" Midnight texts, stalking, false pregnancy scares, all these thoughts race through your mind. It can get scary.
The BMW M3 is hot, a crazy girl kinda hot. It won't leave you alone. It'll take your money (maintenance, gas, insurance, speeding tickets etc.), your time, and occasionally try and take your life.
I mean everything I stated, the BMW M3 is amazing. But a word of warning; don’t get mesmerized by the good looks and charming nature, it'll bite you in the ass. You may end up regretting that one-night stand, thinking to yourself, "What have I done?"
There's a car out there for everyone, find yours.
For all the car guys and gals, we recognize we’re a different breed. We’re bonded not by country, race or religion, but by our love for cars.
It doesn’t matter if you're a fully licensed mechanic, or if you don't know what a control arm does (I don't). What matters is the bond you've created with each other through the love of metal, plastic and rubber combined to make amazing machines.